I didn't like myself.
I have always been told that I am too pale, too short, too quiet, too much.
I was never skinny enough, or pretty enough.
It took a very long time to overcome these perceptions I had of myself.
I am not telling you this for attention or sympathy. I am saying this because today I relapsed.
I looked at myself and went, yuck.
I quickly realized what I said to myself. So I sat with it. Why did I say that? What made me feel this way?
I have had three C-Sections and with that comes some scars, which I am totally fine with. What I was not fine with was the way I was put back together.
I have what I call a bread roll. My stomach looks like a rolled loaf of dough.
And today I didn't like it.
Those old feelings I had of myself decided to creep out of the shadows.
Why?
I pushed those feelings to my toes and never fully accepted that they were there.
I believe that we can only let go of what we acknowledge. I didn't acknowledge that I wasn't okay with how I looked.
This is what I did. I sat down and rubbed my stomach. I acknowledged that it wasn't perfect. It's not flat.
But, it is smooth and soft and it is me. My skin, my blood. I am perfectly imperfect.
It grew three humans and it is still serving me as a source of nourishment.
Now that I have acknowledged that this part of me is not perfect. I can now send the old shadow part of myself on her way. She isn't needed any longer.
Don't push your shadows aside. Look at them, acknowledge them, shine your light on them, and wish them well.
Shine bright my friends.
Angela is a human design reader and holy light practitioner who guides you to find your light within.